Grace Ostrosky, Arts and Life Editor–
You cannot escape him, the most manipulative man you will ever meet. He is that guy who sits in front of you in class with a Labubu clipped to his jeans. He is the guy in Slayter, sipping on a matcha and reading Emily Bronte. Or Sylvia Plath. He is the guy who listens to Clairo in his noise-cancelling headphones and who mentions the fact that his sisters conditioned him to be a good guy every other sentence.
This man is known as a performative male.
The performative male is an archetype of man who cultivates an aesthetic to project an image of being sensitive, progressive, and emotionally aware, in order to attract romantic attention from women. It’s an interesting archetype that has evolved only recently through the presence of social media and believing that performance is what is attractive to women.
Aside from the fact that these men are manipulative and will destroy you emotionally post-situationship, their prevalence brings up an interesting conversation about the need to perform in order to fit in.
Now, I’ve never been in theatre, but I’ve noticed that in society, we are performing every day. No, we may not be performative males, but we all act a certain way to conform with the status quo. We may purchase the newest Adidas Gazelles and drink 10-dollar sugary coffee to be perceived as cool. We may read headlines and flip through The New York Times and repost political Instagram posts to be perceived as worldly and educated. We may smile at people when we pass them on the street then talk badly behind their backs as to not be perceived as rude in public.
In the past, I have felt the need to perform in order to be perceived as perfect. As young as middle school, I have felt the need to dumb myself down significantly as to not “intimidate” my male counterparts, quiet myself when I’m “too loud,” and shrink myself when I’m “too much” to handle. And it was a difficult way to live, feeling as though I couldn’t be an individual. Now, as a college student, I understand I don’t need to change to be accepted and thrive off of my individuality. I have discovered my strengths and weaknesses and while I’m always trying to improve myself, I know that having flaws are part of being human.
I was able to discover these parts through self-exploration: spending time alone, reading, journaling. Self-exploration allowed me to develop empathy for myself. I became content with myself, settled with aspects I can’t control or change. I saw my mental health improving.
Other than mental health effects, physical health can also be improved once we stop performing and learn to accept ourselves. According to a study by the National Library of Medicine, people with psychologically-evaluated higher self-acceptance experience “lower sympathetic nervous system activation and reduced inflammatory response[s].”
At the end of it all, you are the only person who will be there every single day of your life. Loved ones pass away, material things come and go. If you are not authentic, you cannot truly know yourself. If you don’t know yourself, how are you supposed to bring yourself comfort in your darkest moments?
Anyway, I’m not a psychologist or sociologist so I don’t really know what I’m talking about and can’t give any real advice. Just remember to avoid performative males.
Grace Ostrosky ‘28 is a journalism and English creative writing double major from Cleveland.